I wish people had more answers for you because I am living this life too! My husband sounds like a clone of yours except his angry phase lasts between 2-3 days but once he apologizes, it's usually sincere and we get back to "normal" life with just a couple joking/jabbing comments about the issue that set him off. He goes in extremes of only thinking of himself and showing grand gestures of appreciation. One day is breakfast in bed, followed by presents, and then setting up a bubble bath with rose petals and my favorite wine. The next day he gets set off and says I'm a terrible person for absolutely everything, he yells, slams doors, leaves the house for the day, usually asks me to sleep in our daughters room, sends angry texts, and almost all of it is irrational. Sometimes it can even be something as small as our junk mail that he throws away being delivered to a neighbor. It's really hard to live in the extremes! Alcohol definitely makes the extremes happen more often! It's completely different person with a different look in his eyes. Please let me know if you've found anything to help the situation!