Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie
She's definitely a bad news then. It looks like she is not sincere and you were able to detect that beyond the surface.
Her joking about someone else's trauma is extremely unhealthy (not to mention sadistic and malignant). Had she remained close to you, she could have made more of these jokes. I know it hurts right now, but in a way, it is healthier for you that she is no longer close enough to cause further damage.
And I have found it true that a person mixed up in a relationship can be mixed up in a friendship also. I've learned that I cannot think of myself as an "exception" with a person of such character. Because actions demonstrate what someone is capable of, I need to assume: If she can do it to someone else, she can do it to me also.
You deserve a better friend than her.  |
Thanks Ennie. I think she is deeply unhappy. For a while, I have felt that she has an undiagnosed eating disorder, among other problems. I got to the point where I didn't enjoy going out for dinner with her because she'd judge what I ordered and how much I ate as much as she judged herself. By that I mean, she would only allow herself to eat 1/4 of what was on the plate. If I ate 3/4, she noticed. Indirect comments and raised eyebrows etc if I dared to order carbs for example. Heaven forbid! Sometimes I overlook things. There's no such thing as a perfect friend so i often don't know where the line is between reasonable and not. But maybe sometimes I overlook too much?
Yes, I understand what you mean by her choices. I think it all stems from extremely low self-esteem. If she valued herself more, she would not want to engage in a physical relationship with someone who is sleeping with other women. That's my view anyway. And I mentioned my other half's comment. He rarely says anything negative about anyone but he made it clear to me recently that he doesn't think she's a great person to have in my life anyway. He only said that after she disappeared; he would never interfere. He would not tell me who to spend my time with but I think he had a fair point. Her value system is different from mine....she places a lot of emphasis on money and external image. And that's fine. Everyone is different. But that's not my value system so there was a mismatch between us which became more apparent over time. Perhaps that is why she pulled back? She may prefer to spend time with a woman who is very different from me. And that's okay.
She is an intelligent person and works hard. She cares a lot about her family and clearly loves them. Everyone has their strengths and challenges etc. I don't want to depict her as a "bad" person. She's a troubled person.
I'll work on moving on. For now I just feel stung by the random encounter and some comments she made. You know when you're already feeling depressed and putting all of your energy into just getting up each day and functioning and then you have one small unpleasant interaction but it feels like the rug taken out from under you. That's what it felt like.
By the way, my other half thinks she may have made the rude joke about our recent trauma because perhaps she felt embarrassed that she had not known about it. She had already disappeared from my life so obviously I didn't call her after not hearing from her for months to tell her our bad news. He thinks maybe she felt badly and didn't know what to say so made a joke to cover. Who knows?
I really appreciate your reply Ennie. Thank you. You are a very kind and thoughtful person. Wishing you a wonderful day.
