Also, Resurgam, I really like your note about backbone! I think at some point when I feel stronger, I need to look for more friends with backbone. It is a trait I greatly respect.

What I have experienced a lot of in the last couple of years is "friends" looking to me for support and advice and then they disappear when I am having a problem. Not that I would expect friends to be therapists....that wouldn't be right. But it can feel like a backbone issue when ol' SilverTrees is very popular when others have questions and troubles but then I am quickly forgotten when others are fine and I am not.

I had to cancel my last birthday celebration when my partner and I had to deal with a major unexpected trauma. Prior to that, my "friends" were happy to come and join to celebrate my birthday. But after I cancelled and told them why, not one person reached out. Not a call or an offer to visit...to ask how we were doing. I would never want money or tangible items....but I was shocked that not one person reached out to connect. That's reality. I must accept it but I'm not made of stone. That hurt. I'm talking about people I was close to for years, not casual acquaintances.

When I was a child, my mother referred to such a dynamic as "fair weather friend syndrome." I don't know if I am picking the wrong people to be friends with or simply going above and beyond for others too much and unwittingly setting myself up for a lack of reciprocity.....but wow I am really weary and lonely these days.

My other half is encouraging me to get out more and meet new people. This is a great idea. But I feel really let down and sad. I need to have my wall up a while before I try again. Can others relate to that?

(*None of these comments pertain to PC or any online friends...I just don't use my real name in any posts)