Thank you for sharing your truths Crazygrl882. You have really been through so much pain in your life I am so sorry you've experienced abuse. It was not your fault. You did not cause it. You deserved and continue to deserve unconditional safe love, peace, and happiness.

Yes, it is very traumatic to watch someone die...particularly a parent. What a terrible shock for you to lose him so quickly and at the age of only 68. Universal speed to your father.

I think a trauma therapist could be a place for you to start....they could help you weave together some coping strategies while also supporting you as you try to reduce the alcohol. Though how you proceed is obviously entirely up to you. I don't know if you have ever experienced withdrawal symptoms from the alcohol. If that happens you need a doctor as soon as possible because that is dangerous for your body. I wonder if you could try two days without? Or switch from drinking every night to every other night? As a place to start, that could significantly decrease your weekly intake.

Peace, hope, and good health to you.