Yeah it’s not as straight forward as it seems.

Some people make the most vile comments about others but it all covered by fake syrupy rainbows and unicorns. I personally usually see right through that. Sometimes people don’t see it and could tricked by fake “niceness”.

It really takes awhile to get to know the person like that. I know someone who starts and end every phrase with “G-d bless you and may G-ds blessing come upon you and may G-da goodness make your life a bliss etc etc” pretty much utter cliche nonsense. In reality she causes ton of suffering to people and eventually people get to know her and stir away.

She recently contacted someone who is estranged from her to tell her that family and friends all abandoned her and only strangers are willing to associate with her. All of us knew right away it’s because strangers buy fake “bless/shmess and and etc” bit as soon as they know her they stir away.

Sometimes tough love might be better than fake nonsense. At least tough live implies “love” while “fake ness” implies nothing but fake ness. Sure fake people suffer from something that causes them to be this way but it’s their responsibility to seek help. It’s not other people’s responsibility to figure them out. So yeah tough live versus fake support, hard to tell what’s what and which one is worse.

So for me it all boils to sincerity. How sincere are people in their words and actions and it takes awhile (or good insight) to get to know people where they coming from with their support and if it’s sincere etc