Hello guys,

I am debating whether or not I should go to therapy. Do I even need therapy? I am a 19 year old female. Just the whole thought of picking a therapist and making that phone call is so intimidating and causes much anxiety. Plus it’s expensive and I do not have my parent’s support.

They think the whole field of psychology is a crock and pseudo discipline.

There is no sudden turning point now but time itself. Time is passing and something needs to change soon. As for me, same girl with the same uncertainties, but now 19 instead of 15 or 16. Nothing changes. I feel a huge chunk of my life as passed me by. But I am worried as to what the following months will hold for me. I don’t think I will do well let loose. I am awkward and clumsy. How am I to fare in a real life career?

Where ever I go I feel disconnected and misplaced.

I was never one to cause any controversy. I continue to get some of the highest grades in my class with little effort. It is just a matter of un-motivation, procrastination, and then memorizing information a few days before the exam and getting an A.

Also,I have a painful (and quite strange I know) obsession with fingers for almost 3 years. I tug on them all the time and want to get them surgically lengthened. If you knew anything about this, it is not even a surgery on the market. (Ok body dysmorphic disorder can be added to my basket.)

Even when I was really young I would consider myself peculiar.

I think I might have Asperger’s syndrome or some other type of disorder with similar symptoms. Outside people have told me ALL my life since I was young that I need to speak up. When people came to me, I would avoid as much as I can.

It seems that naturally people have this compulsion that they just need speak and have to remember to be quiet. I have the opposite problem. It feels like I’m talking at a person instead of with them. When I make eye contact if feels as if I’m staring at them so I do it only sparingly.

I don’t know how to think or what to think anymore. It is this bottleneck effect I feel is in my brain. Recently when I drive to school I talk loudly to myself reading signs and passing plates so the speech centers in my brain don’t deteriorate from lack of use.

I really only have two friends that I keep in contact with. I sit on the computer for hours a day instead.

There is more but details can be cumbersome. Sorry this post is long but thank me it could be longer