ty court knee.... btw your couter there is impressive - way to go on 19 days!

lyn - no i haven't. i can't commit to that level of intensity that things would boost to if i tell anyone IRL that.

After choir tonight, the director was talking about some bad potential rehearsal and all i really caught was him saying "Nooooo, i'd slit my wrists!" and some part within said aloud under the breath "i already did". which really is not accurate. there are 2 minor cuts vertical along side the tendon (over the vein) but not cutting the vein. *sigh* and truth beknown, they look like they may be getting infected. Grrrr. which means I have to treat 'em (which for me goes against the very nature of SI - why treat something i did myself?!?) But if i don't then i will have to get them seen. double grrrrrr. The guy answered the director back saying "Nah, slit your throat, it's quicker".... I could feel all the destructives at full attention.... *sigh*. why are we having this conversation?

it seems far easier to hide things and keep them to myself... i can't tell t. i already told her i was back into the pattern of suicide ideation and really nothing came of that (ha! i was right, that's not as serious).

i want to post more but the parts are all splitting off.... maybe i can make more sense in DID. i want to tell you i will be safe.... i want that to be accurate. i'm just not sure how many others within want that. i'm working on it.