Thanks for the encouragement. I do not want to reveal too much but don't want the abuse to be mischaracterized. The abuse was that their father operated in an authoritarian way when they got older (5th/6th grade on) while I catered to their every need (I was spoiled by my father who gave me unconditional love no matter how out of line I acted while my mother was more authoritarian--I tried to parent as my dad parented me) but also had untreated depression and anxiety (have a diagnosis of Bipolar 2 as well but unsure about that one). This had to be very confusing for them. We constantly sent mixed messages. I first went to a psychiatrist when they were both in high school. Our family was very isolated (I still really don't have any IRL friends) because my FOO was on the other side of the country and his mother was two states away. I even homeschooled one of the children for a while because I couldn't stand it when his father yelled for getting bad grades (middle school). My mental illness would cause me to be paranoid of their father and I taught that to our children too.

The above paragraph makes it sound like I am not still married to him. I am. We are TRYING to get on the same page in regards to helping them. When you are married, it is impossible to accomplish much when you don't communicate openly and work together. When my mental illness is untreated, it makes it harder for me to work through these issues so I am accepting and following to a greater extent the advice of my psychiatrist and therapist. I have been confronting my husband more about what is bothering me. I can handle confrontations better when taking my medications. I can't help my children without treating my mental illness. When I don't treat it, my anxiety makes me bumble more because I end up being guided by emotions and fear.