I wish you cared enough to check in with me.
I'm not going to, but part of me wants to be like ten minutes late on Monday just so you have time to start worrying that I might have actually done it.

I'm sorry for storming out. But I've told you before that it's unhelpful and frustrating when you try to frame it as my thinking. And I just told you about pdoc trying to blame caffeine or nicotine or sleep or anything other than the stupid ****ing lamictal.

I don't need problem solving to change my thinking. If the med that worked last time arrives and I use it and it doesn't help then we can talk problem solving and changing thinking. But for right now I would just like to feel cared about and safe for 50 minutes while I wait for my package to arrive.
Meds aren't the solution to everything, but this was a problem created by a med, and has been solved in the past with a med. And believing that the thing in the mail on its way to me will take away this feeling is part of what's keeping me going. I'm reminding myself that once I use it I won't feel this way anymore, it's only temporary, it will pass, I just need to hang in there.
And it also felt like you were blaming me and saying this was my own fault. That I'm just not trying hard enough or don't want to get better.
I hope you're at least a little bit worried.