(*trigger warnings for discussions of trauma and dissociation*)

I am really hoping someone can help me, here. Apologies in advance - this post will likely be lengthy.

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 6 months, and were good friends before that for nearly two years. It's very much looking like this will be a forever relationship, and I want to be the best support I can possibly be for him, especially if we're going for the long haul, and we both believe we are.

We've both discussed our mental health and psyches with each other at length several times. I am currently in therapy and on meds for chronic depression and GAD. We are both very open and supportive of one another's emotions and thoughts, as well as constructive when we cross a line.

He has talked about how as a kid at about 6 or 7 his best friend moved away, and it hurt him very deeply, and he hated the sadness, so he "decided" not to feel sadness anymore for any reason, and he didn't experience that emotion again for years. Later on, he got so angry at another kid that he blacked out for several seconds, and next thing he knew he had that kid in a chokehold. That scared him, and he didn't like not being in control of himself, so he decided not to feel anger anymore. And he so didn't. Repeat this process for other emotions - joy(he got depressed when it inevitably faded, & blamed the joy), love(rejected by his first crush and she cut him out of her life), fear, etc. - when something traumatic happened, he simply "decided" to not feel them anymore, and completely suppressed them from his psyche.

In his own words, he said to me, "I basically turned myself into a sociopath. I didn't feel anything. Something horrible would happen, like one of my classmates died in a car accident and everyone was devastated. They would see I wasn't sad, and they would be shocked and ask why. My response was," and he adopted a nuetral face and tone of voice, "'Why would I?'"

He proceeded to tell me this went on until about 10th grade, when another girl showed up who befriended him(which he said that he had no attachments to friends, but he was easily able to mimic normality by this point) somehow cracked through his suppression.... but the emotion associated with his attraction to her manifested itself within him very, very differently this time. This time, it was a *literal* voice in his head.

Soon after that, other voices(emotions) joined in, one after the other.

In response to me asking at one point why he hadn't asked me out(I was actually the one to ask him, lol) he said this: "It's... very loud... in here," he said to me. "Like on our first outing" (which was just before we were officially dating, we just went to 'hang out') "half of the voices were saying 'Ask her out!' but the other half of them were *screaming* 'NO!' I couldn't even think, so I froze."

This was about 3 months ago.

Now he says, "It's actually been very quiet lately.... Especially when I'm with you."

"Like the voices are unified in what they want?" I ask.

"Yeah, and there's not really anything negative to say."

So, with all of that being said, here's the reasons why I suspect he has DID:

One, the rage blackouts he's mentioned. The one I mentioned when he first suppressed rage/anger is just one episode. He's mentioned that since his emotions came back, he's had one rage blackout(he thankfully didn't hurt anyone, came out of it before that happened), and an episode where he got very close to blacking out(he said he could feel himself "separating" inside) but didn't.

Two, the way described his decision to just stop feeling something the "first" time made it sound way more to me like he already subconsciously knew how, just that that was the first time he *remembered* doing it.... Which makes me suspect there are things he doesn't remember... Which completely and utterly breaks my heart, but, I digress, sorry...

Anyways, point is, I'm no expert at all. All I have are suspicions. I've never seen anything that could be a "switch". It may just be dissociation without separate identities, suppressed memories, or even schizophrenia. I don't know, and I'm not asking you for helping "diagnosing" him or whatever.

What I really want, if you can, is advice on how to best support him. I've even asked him at one point, "Do you think you have DID?" and his answer was, "Hm... Not quite. I may have gotten close, but no."

The only thing I'm mostly certain about is that there's something else there that he doesn't remember.

How do I best support him? Just continue to be there for him and don't push? And in the event of flashbacks(which he has actually had one that he asked that I "please don't ask" him about) what's the best thing to do, there?

I just want to be the best support I can possibly be. My heart hurts to see him in any kind of pain, and I know that's not something that just goes away and I know I can't "fix" it, I just want to try my best not to make anything worse.

If you're able to give me any advice at all, please do. I'm sorry this is so long.

Thank you ❤