“The difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is the way in which comments are delivered. ... Destructive criticism is often just thoughtlessness by another person, but it can also be deliberately malicious and hurtful. Destructive criticism can, in some cases, lead to anger and/or aggression.”

“Constructive criticism is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one.”

These are definitions of constructive vs. destructive criticism.

My mother has always played ‘devil’s advocate’ ‘just because’ (she even calls it ‘devil’s advocate’). I find it to be a form of invalidation. If I know the sky is blue, and say the sky is blue, she will tell me it isn’t, thus telling me I am wrong when I know I am not. I am very sensitive to this destructive criticism and find it very triggering when faced with it outside of conversations with my mom as well. This is something I will have to work on in self-protection. I am glad I am now very aware of this toxic dynamic. As for any one else’s reasons for giving oppositional POV’s, their motives may be sincere to be helpful. I am not bashing anyone who has good intentions. I’m sensitive to invalidation and hate it when I experience it because it have had to put up with it all my life.

Honestly, what is the intention? “Let’s correct this poor, misguided person who thinks the sky is blue.” (The sky IS blue!) or “Let’s make ourselves feel superior by invalidating this person.”