I feel like I sometimes I am so disconnected from people or there is something missing. I watch groups of friends or family members bond and feel connected and I just don't get it.

My social skills are still developing and sometimes i find conversation hard or prolonged engagement hard, but i think that is in part because i am introvert and also because I am still building up that social muscle of actually engaging with people, after spending decades of avoiding people in general. This being said I still feel like there is a glass barrier between me and friends. At times during my last relationship I would sometimes feel nothing and confused about if I loved or even liked them. I would kiss them passionately then think to myself I felt nothing. I know this isn't true because I had a lot of love for that person, but I know the disconnect along with a lot of my other MH issues and their own stuff led us to break up.

I feel like this is stopping me from feeling connected to people and I don't know what that is or how that feels and often feel overwhelmed from people. I also think I could disappear from these peoples lives and it would mean nothing to them.