“How can I think with how I attached a to him (as I did to these other male authoritarian figures in the past) that he is the one to blame?”

Oh no! I’m sorry your disease has worsened! I wish family would always be helpful and surround you as part of your broad base of support. Unfortunately, often times family and friends just don’t get it.

About your question-
You are not responsible for the way this doctor chooses to act or respond.
That is his responsibility.

Doctors go to med school and are educated in disease processes and social interactions. Usually they are educated in attachment and positive and negative transference. Clients/patients cannot be expected to know about these issues.

Doctors are educated in boundaries and ethics. The client/patient commonly is not.

Doctors take an oath to DO NO HARM. Client/patients do not.

It is the doctor’s responsibility to have *your* best interest at heart...and to keep you from harm to the best of their ability. Patients are not bound by any such responsibility toward their doctors.

You can enter the office and strip off all your clothes. It’s the doctor’s responsibility to direct you to redress, keep you safe, not exploit you!

Your doctor is choosing how he acts/reacts knowing everything he learned in med school and having taken an oath to do no harm!
His actions and breaking boundaries are not your fault. If he is narcissistic, that’s not your fault. If he has an addiction, his actions are *not* your fault. If he’s ill and acting inappropriately, it’s not your fault!

‘His attention felt great to me, so how can I blame him for that?’
Right?

No matter how good it feels, he is exploiting and harming you. In some cities he would be committing a crime against you!

Even if his exploitation feels good to you at the time, the harm he’s causing now and, possibly, into the future...is his fault, not yours!