This must be troubling. I can relate to it, and I think most people can, because almost everybody has deviant, inappropriate desires - more or less pronounced, for sure, and most people rely on their inner compass, and desist following up on deviant impulses. Only with most people that inner compass is subconscious, so they are not even aware they have these dangerous impulses. You are aware of them, however, and that makes you feel you are maybe a bad or dangerous person. But you aren't, because I take you do struggle with yourself successfully... this is stressful, but it seems to show that you have every right to consider yourself a good person, and you should value yourself.