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Originally Posted by QuietMind
I see T this week, I hope I'm wrong about my fears. I'm antsy and mistrustful of T because it's Pride month which also means the proponents of conversion therapy get vocal too... And licensing boards here don't take formal stances
I remember her telling me one long ago session while I was sobbing my guts out "QM, hear me, there is nothing wrong with being LGBTQ", so it's not that I don't trust her... But she did ask me last session quite puzzledly "how is conversion therapy harmful?" because I brought the topic of meeting survivors up (therapeutically related). I tried explaining but I struggled to explain. She even knows (or maybe she has forgotten?) I can't ever come out to my parents because they'll send me to conversion therapy (I had already been threatened with exorcism for my anxiety and "rebellion" as a teenager).
I went to an LGBTQ affirming T briefly but he wasn't trained to treat complex trauma, plus I'm deeply attached to T.
(there was a time ages ago when I had a huge rupture with her because she insisted she wouldn't need LGBTQ training. Some people understood why I was so upset and insistent, while some others said I just wanted to be "special" and was being unreasonable.)
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I think this is very complicated stuff and what pings for me is that there have been different phases of my queerness and different things I needed from therapy and therapists during them. It feels like maybe more discussion about these things may be necessary for you. For instance, I can see my current T (who is a het male) not needing any LGBTQ training because he has had so much experience, including working in various clinics in a liberal US city, working with clients and learning that way. I don't know if this is true for your T or not. Personally when it comes to T's, I go for experience and the ability to understand people no matter what they bring over formal training or specializations or whatever. I kind of think that having said "there's nothing wrong" with it tells you everything you need to know.
On conversion therapy being harmful, I think some T's are naive and just assume that the people who seek it or get it are willing participants, because they don't know much about it. And there are real live people who claim they "converted" successfully and I wouldn't challenge their experience of feeling that to be true. And because you live in a country and a world that promotes this to be true. But in some ways this seems like a red herring (irrelevant) to your therapy because you're not doing that. At the same time, it feels important for you to describe how conversion therapy is related to your family and your feelings about yourself and how you relate to the outside world. So it sounds like there is more to talk about with her. I hope you feel like you are able to.
These issues are really on my mind now, as I'm in a relationship with a woman again after a long marriage to a man. I know your relationship and family situation is different than mine, but I wanted to empathize with the struggle to be true to yourself, in and out of therapy, when you have roadblocks and obstacles in the way. The U.S. has come a long way with civil rights, and my family and friends are open and accepting, but there is still a lot of bigotry and prejudice in this country, and of course it's more difficult in yours. I hope you can get what you need from your therapist, and that she rises to the occasion when you need her to.
I apologize if anything I've said is intrusive in this thread. Sometimes there isn't another place to put things.