I am trying to determine how much I should indulge the wants and fantasies of my inner child part to play. I don't have DID though I do (did) have strongly contained individual parts. I struggle with play/playing with others and have lost touch with knowing what I like or even understanding how to know if I'm having fun with something. Lately there has been a strong desire to have a space that is a playroom with toys for ages 18 months through I'd say about 10 yrs old. Most of the items that grab my attention are closer to the 5-8 yr old range.

Financially, I am able to afford purchasing the items. Logistically, I don't really have a space that I can dedicate for a playroom (at this time), I can make space to store toys, that could be pulled out. I have purchased several items already. I struggle with pulling them out to play with them which tends to bring me back to wanting a room where I can go into and see, touch, manipulate the items - possibly work towards playing, allowing the imagination to feel uninhibited, and reexperiencing fun.

The question is - should I do that? Is it healthy, safe, sane, helpful? Is it indulgent, infantalistic, regressive, divisive, harmful? There's a fair amount of shame at the idea of anyone else seeing or knowing that I would have this space containing items for such a young audience. At the same time, there is some thoughts that the space would be aged as I process through stuff; meaning the items in the space would become more age appropriate as I processed stuff and started to understand what I find as fun, relaxing, and refreshing; and how it is fun. Ultimately becoming simply a hobby room/space, like many other people may have.

I guess I'm looking to see if anyone has done something like this, how you dealt with any shame/guilt around creating the space, has the space changed as you have gone through therapy, how did it help the younger parts (or alters), do you think you could have had the growth without creating the space, any regrets in creating the space... anything else you want to share. Thanks.