Well, today started out really rough. I had some bad dreams (I wouldn’t consider them nightmares – nightmares include intense fear and critical situations in my book. This was just dreams about arguing and things like that. Upsetting, but not nightmare material) that affected me for a few hours after waking up. I’m still sleeping on the couch (2.5 months into this crap) for multiple reasons. A) My old room has become a junk room and there is literally no place for me. The room is barely big enough for the bed in it, and all my stuff is still jammed in my car. There is effectively NO ROOM. B) I dread having that room back. While I’m on the couch, it feels temporary.. that things are going to change and I won’t be here forever… but if I have that room again.. it feels permanent. That’s something I really don’t want.

It’s always hard going from independence to being dependent.. but it’s even worse when you fought tooth and nail for independence late in life with no support and everyone against you. It’s a slap in the face when you have to move back in with the very person who said you couldn’t make it on your own. It’s not a great feeling.

I at least had the energy today to get up. It’s a beautiful day and I went outside for a little while to do some errands. I like to go walking, but I just don’t have the energy to do that today. If tomorrow is also nice—that is my goal. To force myself to go walking.

So, nothing new, nothing’s changed. I’m looking at the pieces of my life and not even sure I want to try to piece it back together. ☹