I am not from the US but still would like advise.


Long story short, years ago I had very scary and severe psychotic episodes/break downs. It basically went like this - I have an unknown disorder which causes me to "know" things years and even decades after they happen.


Doctors in the city were monitoring me since my birth, and would control my life. When I was thirteen or so, my behavior became "anti-social" so they teamed up with the law enforcement to destroy me. After I graduated high school, I opted for pre-med subjects and the doctors considered me to be "brilliant" so they gave a new chance of life to me. But notwithstanding that they would torture me severely.

This "psychotic story" continued for almost twelve months before the antipsychotics were finally able to stop the delusions and hallucinations. Every day I'd wake up and think "the doctors are gonna kill me!"

Skip to entering college and learning things, I learned that doctors or anyone cannot violate UNO's guidelines. So I became a bit more confident and less anxious.

But my psychiatrist, ever since I was referred to him (ironically for the case), he would imply that "You are not psychotic, all of this is true" He would feed me those lies. And guess what? Prescribe me antipsychotics.

All of this, after the realization months ago, makes my blood boil. But unfortunately as I've become passive aggressive due to the same psychotic breakdown, I cannot voice my opinion strongly enough for him to stop doing that.

In case any one is wondering, I am just barely a legal adult and depend on my parents for everything since I do not have a job yet. My parents have picked that psychiatrist for me. I visited another, this time not so money-hungry, psychiatrist for a short while but since his meds supposedly caused me to have hypertension, my parents decided the money-hungry (my current) psychiatrist is the best option for me. I know placebos (as I suppose my former psychiatrist prescribed me) and hypertension do not go hand-in-hand but nobody listened to me.

What do I do? This psychiatrist is very manipulative. He told me I can't become a doctor but I can be a police officer. I know it's bull crap. Yet he keeps feeding me those lies. His words caused me to not give the medical entrance examination even though I worked hard years in the hopes I get into med school.

I am so lost. This psychiatrist keeps implying that my delusions (which caused me to almost die, he even witnessed that) are true and I fear I will have no chance of recovering of this delusion, that I will always be afraid of the law enforcement spying on me and doctors being their puppets. But I also do not want to get off meds prematurely, increasing my chances of relapse. What if he refuses to treat me in future? I still can try to going to other psychiatrists, although.

Edit : By "implying" I mean minor things like not talking, reading something over his mobile phone while I am in the consulting room, and using phrases that I used to hear as hallucinations. Could this be just an evaluation? Maybe, but I think it's much more than that - He wants me to be his patient/customer forever.