Quote:
Originally Posted by sheltiemom2007
I was 4 years old when I understood that I could go from Monday to Thursday and have Tuesday and Wednesday disappear. I remember going to bed on a Thursday dreading a math test, waking up on what I thought was Friday only to find the Sunday newspaper sitting on the kitchen table. I got the math test back the next week, 100%. My name on the paper but I had no memory of taking the test or the entire day.
I always knew as a child that time was random and played tricks on me. I never understood why. I thought everyone must be like this.
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I never gave time a thought. you see I became DID before the age of 5 with the very first alteration where my brain used its flight or fight dissociation process to take from my conscious awareness the traumas that I could not handle (for more of this you can read my integration thread.
my point is I grew up this way so to me it was just normal not to remember things, even with my family I was the one known for having a great memory. they didnt know I was switching from alter to alter, they just knew I was very good at multi tasking and knowing whats what.
for me it was like someone who had never known a Rhinopithecus existed so how could they feel anything about not having one.
plus its normal for human beings to forget things, no one remembers every single day in their life, every single school year in their life. ...
my point is if these things were so noticable and affecting my life and thoughts on it, it wouldnt have taken many many years to get diagnosed with DID to begin with. to me and those around me my memory problems were not a memory "problem".
Sometimes it surprises some that knew me when I was not integrated because they never saw anything different in me and I never acted or had any strange thoughts. I actually had to explain to them tha thaving DID doesnt make one less capable, it makes one more capable.
By this I mean what i couldnt remember was still in my brain and all that needed to happen was switching from my conscious awareness to my unconscious awareness. it wasnt something that I could control, I couldnt say now Im going to be rainy so that I could remember this or that. it was if I needed to remember something my brain automatically switched me to being rainy and rainy would do with the memory what was needed.
I mean I didnt get diagnosed with DID until I was an adult in a college class that required as a class assignment to have formal testing and enter therapy as a way to prepare the students that planned to stay in the mental health field what being in therapy was like. if missing memories was such a big deal for me I would have been diagnosed much sooner as a child if I mentioned something like I couldnt remember my while such and such grade.
my point -- it was normal and not a problem and I didnt give it any thoughts and such about it. I was just like any other human being who didnt remember every single moment in their lives.