Hello d84zips: Thank you for sharing this tragic story here on PC. I see this is your first post. So welcome to Psych Central. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support for you.

There has been nothing in my life that would compare with what you have experienced. So there isn't anything personal I can share. Perhaps there will be other members who will have some experiences they can share. In the meantime however here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of complicated grief that hopefully may be of some help:

What is Complicated Grief? | Mental Health Awareness

Complicated Grief: How to Get Unstuck | Bonding Time

Change Your Thinking To Change Feelings of Hopelessness

Grief and Loss Quiz

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.