Quote:
Originally Posted by TheNightWhistle
Thank you both for your thoughtful replies. I understand what you're trying to say. I need to feel good about myself before I can make others feel good but I don't really know where to start. I go to the gym, I'm decently attractive, I'm educated, I try new and spontaneous things whenever I can, and I'm taking steps to bettering my life such as going back to school to do a career change. I don't spend my dates whining and complaining about my life, or putting myself down because if somebody did that on a date with me I probably wouldn't wanna go home with them either. They usually start off well. We tell each other funny stories, do something fun together, maybe even get to the point of kissing and cuddling on a park bench. Eventually, the voice in my mind will tell me things like "you're gonna screw this up, he's way out of your league, you're not funny or interesting, baseline you're trash." It gets louder, then I feel the anxiety bubbling up, and I become very introverted. I need to find the point when this shift happens, so that I can prevent it. Any tips on getting that douchebag in my head to shut up?
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Here are a few thoughts. Just my ideas . You don't have to agree. I respect your autonomy.
First, I am sorry you are in pain. Truly. You have my empathy.
Second, I recommend not calling the voice in your head "douchebag" or the like. Whether you want that voice there or not, he is a part of you. So when you label him negatively, you are punishing a part of yourself. This doesn't help. And leads to more pain. Though I fully understand why you don't want a deeply unpleasant voice in your mind undercutting your efforts to be happy or even just trying to live your life.
What if, you became curious about that voice? Why is he saying such things to me? I am NOT at all suggesting that the voice is right. But perhaps he is an expression of past hurt and trauma? Do you know inner child theory? Is he your inner child? Is he hurt and scared? Is he asking for your help in the only way he knows how? Instead of adding to his hurt by calling him "douchebag" could you try to help him? Offer him gentle, loving kindness?
I don't know if any of that resonates. But I used to be filled with self-loathing when I was younger. Over time, and with help, I learned to love and appreciate myself. Since then, I find that the voice in my mind has changed. Or, my relationship with her has changed in a more tolerable and friendly manner.
I don't know if that helps you. I continue to wish you peace and hope. I think you are onto something important when you analyze that internal voice. But my hunch is that your analysis may be pointed in the wrong direction....maybe try to explore the voice, air it out, let it breathe rather than shutting it up. Ever felt that others tried to "shut" you up? Maybe even someone you were close to? Perhaps that is why you are trying to shut yourself up, in a sense?