Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay
I remember always being very accepting of now. I didn't think anything of time or how it worked. I remember just taking life as it comes. I never had to worry about anything but NOW. I didn't have to worry about anything that was before. I only ever had to worry about where I am and what I am doing right NOW. All I ever had to do was see where I am and what I am doing and carry on from there. Time was never an issue for me. Time is always right here and now. Wherever I am, there is the time.
One alter has very clear memories of her role. She was a body checker. Her role was to see where she was, check everything was okay around her, and attend to the body. If there were injuries she dealt with them. She took care of the body.
And everything after that was always now... the only thing we have to worry about. Days and times didn't matter. Didn't give them a second thought. The only thing that mattered was the now that I was in.
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I am time obsessed. I melt down without a watch. I'm obsessed with being on time. I need to know plans well in advance. Especially when events are supposed to start. Even integrated, which brought with it continuous time and continuous memory, I'm still terrified of losing even a minute of time. I cannot live in the now. It's impossible. Time is just too fragile to me. I need to keep track of it carefully.
I'm glad I asked this question. It's really helpful to see how other people with DID deal with the thorny issue of lost time.