Eve I’m not extremely well acquainted with your situation but enough to be aware that you undertook this marriage with more than a little ambivalence. I remember it upset you when a friend of yours said they hoped it “worked out”. Obviously the whole situation was anything but clearcut to begin with.
With those things sometimes you almost have to weigh one side against the other. What do you get out of the relationship? What makes it difficult? And perhaps, you don’t have to say it here, but what has hapened recently to push you over the edge into this anguished state? Is it something that’s part of a pattern perhaps? Likely to recur?
My best wishes and hugs. 🌹