Thanks so much for all your insight. I did take a lot of abuse from peers growing up, so this voice is probably the same sad and scared little kid that learned that he was the weakest link in the chain from a young age. I guess a part of me is looking for somebody who is going to love me enough to guide that kid into being a stronger, and more confident man. I want somebody who is going to see qualities in me that I can't see in myself, and make me feel lovable. I get how that's a paradox, since nobody wants that responsibility, and I'm a grown *** man who should be able to take care of himself. I haven't looked at the articles and video yet but I'll check them out later. Thanks again.