Hi SS! I have had the same questions too in my battle between self preservation and seeing about everybody else’s needs. I used to believe that it was never ok to lie, but as my psyche has matured, so has the ability to think in a grayscale level of thought of the topic rather than B&W. What I mean is that I have begun to see benefits in not sharing the entire truth rather than share everything and then get viewed as selfish or rude later on.

I can think of many examples of the “lies” that you bring to the table. When I was still in grad school, I was involved in a class that was far beyond my level of expertise and required long hours even just to be as familiar with the subject as my classmates. After a couple of all-nighters, I finally just had to email my classmates to tell them I was sick and I needed the following day’s worth of notes instead of tell them I stayed up all night just trying to understand that class’s material. I was a fish out of water in that engineering class, so I ended up dropping that class for that semester.

When I discovered that I could not play a Netflix with my family visiting from out of town because a friend had borrowed my remotes several months ago, I had to get them back from this person who is notorious about taking advantage of other’s possessions and time. He wanted to come over to my place to give them back, but to prevent him from lingering at my place when I got busy with finals and projects for school, I told him my place was a mess so I did the job at his house instead of mine. My place wasn’t at its absolute worst at that point in time but it has gotten that way before when I have been anxious or busy, thus technically I still felt like it was a valid explanation.

As divine1966 wonderfully puts it, I hope you take peace in knowing what you shared and what I have given in my examples aren’t really “lies” because you can still give a truthful overview about your situation while also preserving your resources in the process. Glad you asked this question!