Thanks for sharing your story with us! I am SO sorry that all of this has happened to you. You have matured so much since this incident happened, and this includes your good judgment and your ability to discern between friends and backstabbers. When I have reflected on conflicts that have happened in the past, I envision myself as a different, new person rather than the same one who was defined by that trauma, in light of growth that has occured since the teenage years. I hope that this is not considered denial of past experiences, but this has come from the opinions of my counselors and a few friends (both online and IRL) who have shared with me that we become a newer, more mature person with each passing day. Technically we aren't even the same people as we were yesterday!

I hope that this helps! You are valued here on PC and I hope that you feel safe and at peace continuing to share your experiences with us.

PS I often think in an auditory manner (through song), and one that has helped me with this same kind of experience has been "Freshmen" by the Verve Pipe. Very relatable and thoughtful!