I feel you because I've been through it with my wife. She started an emotional affair that she said would have eventually led to a sexual affair if I didn't stop it before it got there. We would hang out at the bar on Fridays after work and when I would go to the bar to get drinks or go to the restroom she would be all over him. Then they started texting at all hours of the day and when I asked why she was on her phone she'd say I'm just looking at news or on reddit or whatever. It even got as bad as after we had sex she'd wait for me to fall asleep to text him. Needless to say, I gave her the "it's him or me" thing and honestly, I thought she was going to choose the 6 mth relationship over our 13 yr relationship. She even tried to convince me that we both make her happy for different reasons and that we should have an open marriage (something she used against me because the last time I was manic I pulled the same *****). I told her that's not what marriage meant to me and we weren't doing that.

A few rocky wks had passed and I thought we were working on our marriage, it was still shaky but getting better, then boom! I find out she's been texting him behind my back. She'd walk the dog while I was cooking dinner and she was texting him. She'd sit at the table behind me while I was playing video game or watching a movie and she was texting him. She was slowly getting back to her behavior. We hashed it out on saturday and I looked up divorces in Texas and planned on going to the court house to get the process started on Monday. In the end they talked stuff out and they finished it for real this time. I told her that if she breaks my trust one more time I'm done. I'm out. No questions. And she seems to have taken it seriously and we've had some really great days since.

We have decided to have serious conversations only on Monday so we have the wk to work on things and try to get back to our fun normal selves. We are both in individual counseling to deal with different issues and once we are done with our 3-4 mth sessions (it's through the VA and they are a short term facility) we are going to do marriage counseling to work on things we can't work out in individual. Since we are working with different therapists at the same place they said (with our permission of course) that they would work together and tackle issues we both brought up and even throw in a couple counseling from time to time.

If you are not in therapy yourself, maybe you should consider trying it because you can talk about things that will help you work through your thoughts and feelings so you can better face your relationship better. If you want to talk feel free to hit me up and we can talk to each other about our similar situations.