Quote:
Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie
I feel like memories are not bothering me. It is a deep core hate for myself, for life, andI feel like I am in constant grieving mode and searching for something I will never have. Seeing my T always brings the grief front and center because my child part comes right out and wants so bad to have had someone like him taking care of me when I was young. I feel so incredibly dysfunctional even though I am high functioning but on a daily basis all I do is fight with my parts to get on with life. I see my grief as tar covering a little girl.
He thinks this all comes from memories I am repressing and that sometimes memories need to stay buried.
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I suffer from feelings like this, too. I have total recall about my childhood. Mine was of a father who was neglectful of me because he was withdrawn and MI and died, and a mother who was loving but pretty emotionally and verbally abusive. I’ve been struggling to feel real love from those closest to me who don’t fully give it, leaving me with that feeling you describe. It’s me longing for it, because they don’t give it where other humans do give it to their loved ones. It’s just OUR families that don’t.
Of course, you have your own experience and I am not familiar with it. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in that feeling. My recent t said it is an attachment issue that stems back from earliest childhood.