It sounds to me like your husband is not atypical of men and probably some women who have a difficult time with the emotions of the people they love. This is, I think, his work to do, not your work. Although I'm sure he's not intending to shut down your emotional response or silence you, his frustration and protectiveness have this effect. So what you can do is become more comfortable with the fact that he is not comfortable with your emotions. It would be nice if he could become so but he is unlikely to change at this point in his life and in your long-term marriage.

So the Buddhists say feel the fear and do it anyway. Maybe your version of this is you can notice his frustration or whatever and cry anyway. He can deal with his own feelings.

I also think you can find private space and time to cry so you don't have to worry about his reaction. Take a walk-- in my neighborhood there are beautiful blooming gardens everywhere with lilacs. Drive your car somewhere. When I was going through a big grief I found time-limited crying (the 6 minutes it took to drive to/from my kid's school) very effective. I sometimes cry while swimming laps in the pool. Take time and space alone if you need it. If that's something that works for you.

I would also say, as gently as I can, that it is an overgeneralization to say that crying makes "people" uncomfortable. Some people. Definitely the people in your family including the men. But not everyone is uncomfortable with crying. IMO it is healthier to welcome it as just one of the many behavioral manifestations of emotion. But many people feel more comfortable with punching a wall in anger than with crying. But if you shift your beliefs about what crying means, it may have a ripple effect in your family.

Anniversaries of deaths and other griefs are very resonant for me. I'm sorry for your loss.