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Originally Posted by ConfusedAFboutpeeps
Thank you SilverTrees! There are a lot of issues from my hubby's past with her --I actually felt sorry for her on her first night with us, as that night shortly after dinner he immediately started talking about how he felt when her and his dad got divorced all those many years ago. I could see she felt uncomfortable but was still trying to be attentive and caring towards him. What could she do now after all, it's all in the past. I always say to him it would be really good for him to talk about these issues with a professional. (As I do too, once a week, due to my own past issues). He just doesn't want to. I've talked about marriage counseling for us as well, but he says he'll NEVER do it. So ... what to do. There are so many backed-up issues.
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Yes, that's a tough spot to be in. He clearly wants to resolve some of the issues at least or he wouldn't have raised them with his mother. Poor guy. Divorce is really tough on everyone involved. I got divorced myself many years ago but we never had children. I am glad that you are able to do your own therapy but it must be frustrating when he won't join you even for a few sessions. Sometimes I think it must be very lonely to be a man. Not that women don't get lonely, I do. But men grow up thinking that they must be so tough. That they cannot and should not express feelings. Then when there's a problem down the road, we wonder why they won't talk about it or go to the doctor etc. I don't know your hub of course but I wonder if he would perceive talking to a therapist as a demonstration of weakness? For those of us who have benefited from therapy, we know it can be a strength. I'm just trying to see it from his perspective. My current partner would never talk to a therapist either. I've a hard enough time encouraging him to even tell me if there's a problem.
For what it's worth, it sounds like you are doing your level best. That's all any of us can do in life.
