I think I am blaming myself. I saw red flags early on. Yet I still gave him a chance. He pushed things with me. And I let him, even though I tried to slow it way down. We moved in far too fast basically out of necessity. It brought our relationship to a more committed level far too soon. He pushed marriage early. I let him woo me though I still tried to put the breaks on. I told him, wait six months and see if u still feel the same way. He wanted to get married as soon as possible. I allowed him to push me. It’s all my own fault. I wrote about my concerns early on in my journal. But I still allowed this to happen despite everything and despite red flags. I wanted marriage too. I’m so stupid. I feel stupid. I should have known better. What gets me the most? I had prayed to god saying “please send me the man who will marry me. You know what I need so I leave it up to u”. The very next man I met was my soon to be husband who wanted to marry me.