I am also glad you asked this question because this is a HUGE and IMPORTANT part of recovery. When something bothers us, our emotions are doing their job.

This is what I observed and learned about accepting wrongs done to us and forgiveness:

Whether we realize it or not, we begin with self-awareness. Recognizing harms done to us and working to be aware to not do the same to others is healing.

When the time came for me to work on the agony my family caused me, I realized I had no other choice. It was right in my face, blocking my way to anything I wanted to do. So, I worked on it in therapy and had several good cries in private in my home where I knew I would not be interrupted. That grieving process took me several months to get through, moving at my own pace I determined.

As I was going through it, I noticed that I felt happier. I began to look for ways to have fun and add happiness to my life. That right there for me was HUGE and it kept me and has kept me moving forward because I saw firsthand with my very eyes how I was healing. I saw improvements in my life. They were tiny, but they were there and I noticed them. PLUS as I worked to heal the emotions that blocked my way, my thinking straightened out. That right there is HUGE in emotional healing.

Now, tghe pain my family caused me not only diminished, it became less of a trigger for me. Also right there, my emotions slowly became easier for me to manage. Pacing is very important in healing emotions because our mental health problems take longer to heal than some physical problems.

Some things I did to help me heal was to watch movies that were painful for me to see. By that time, I knew that anything emotional that set me off was because I had unresolved issues inside me. Not that I don't get emotional if I hear about someone suffering or grieving, I do cry but I am not sobbing uncontrollably. Les Miserable made me cry a lot, as did The Salem Witch Trials and 12 years a Slave. It would take me at least a solid week to get through the movies but I kept at it and got some serious healing taken care of.

What helped me accept my family monstrosities was to acknowledge exactly how I felt about them. With mother, I knew that my reality was that I could not believe what a horrid evil woman she was to me, a poor defenseless child in her care. That gobsmacked me! The same with my sisters. I could not understand how evil people can see a child suffering and not help the child get better.

That's where I started and not that I have answers to those questions today, but as my emotions slowly healed, I kept following my thoughts until I realized that topic no longer set my emotions off. I can talk about those events without crippling sobbing. My voice might shake and I might get tears in my eyes, but my brain still works and I can stay focused on what I am doing.

Do you want to know what to do to get better? Follow your thoughts because unresolved emotions set up the thoughts to let you know what you need to work on. The negative emotions are connected to horrid behavior someone did to me or taught me to do, like how I learned to bully because I was bullied. That means, it isn't a natural part of my emotional makeup. It needs to go because it does not feel at home inside of me. Someone else generated it.

Emotions alert us to our surroundings and what we need to pay attention to. Also to happiness and joy, but by getting the problems out of the way, our joy and happiness become more prominent.

And firsthand knowledge helps us better help each other and to me, that's were the real joy is.

I hope this helps you! xoxoxoxox