My Support Forums - View Single Post - Difficulty balancing between regression and progression

amandalouise · Jun 06, 2019 at 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Hi Community,

There is something I have been struggling with for years. It has presented a very difficult set of obstacles for me in life and I am trying SO hard to work through it.

In short, I could use some advice, however, please be gentle in your opinions as this is part of my identity and always will be. I should note, I am not looking to rid myself of my little side completely, I am only looking for advice about how to strategically transition from spending TOO much time being little - to becoming more of an adult.

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Problem is, I have two parts that are conflicting with one another:

BIG part (Adult side) ----- Versus ----- LITTLE part (child side).

Each part has its own needs, wants and desires. Think of it like having two different identities. I have to learn to live with both and I have to learn to BALANCE the two, so that neither part is neglected or suppressed. This in turn will lead to happiness and growth rather than stagnation.

Because of my trauma, I have had to resort to regression to be safe in the world. I love it, but I MUST learn to balance the two. I struggle everyday with transitioning from being little to being an adult, and it is causing a lot of conflict within. Ambivalence to make decisions as simple as doing dishes and exercising / socializing. I would rather live in a safe place than risk going out into the world and being harmed. The answer to this is to be little. While this is effective for dealing with trauma, it is also enticing and has led me to become dependent on it for comfort, nurture, safety, etc.

I recently purchased 300 - 400 diapers, pacifiers, onesies, baby bottles, etc.

I told my therapist about this and she and I both concluded that I must learn to nurture my little side as a parent would. (Internal Family Systems therapy). She also suggested learning self-compassion, as well as watching TED talk videos on vulnerability and shame. She is highly educated about this particular issue. The plan is to slowly become more of an adult, while at the same time NOT abolishing the little side, but rather, accept, nurture and accept it with unconditional love, compassion and minimizing shame.

How can I make this transition? Any suggestions?

Please be gentle. I am deeply ashamed of this and it is very hard to be vulnerable.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

yea since you are on a specialized therapy program (IFS) I would just continue doing what your own treatment provider wants you to do (the IFS therapy way of doing things.

IFS is a very structured specialized program where you have to do things in an organized structured way set down by ones own treatment providers. its like going to college you dont jump to the back of the algebra work with out first doing the beginning part of the class.

anything that we may suggest could very well either sabotage the treatment or lead you wrong, or cause you major harm.

My suggestion is talk with your treatment provider and let them know you would like something that you can also work on at home. Something that doesnt go against your IFS therapy program but also gives you the extra "boost" and freedom that you need to handle things on your own when you are not in therapy...

example books, workbooks and videos, treatment provider supplied worksheets, on IFS therapy and how to work the program on your own when you are not in therapy. There is a whole lot of resources that your treatment provider will be able to point you in the right direction that matches where you are in the program and what "Trailheads" you are working on, ...

treatment providers are a wealth of information and help when working on a specialized treatment plan like this. given that you are doing IFS it really is best to reach out to your treatment providers on something like this...just like someone who was on the DBT program their best option is their treatment provider and staying on their specialized structured sessions.