Quote:
Originally Posted by theoretical
Except this line: "It's fine if you don't like me." That bit, I just can't agree that it's manipulative.
By contrast, when he tells you "it's fine if you don't like me," then he is validating your feelings. He's giving you control and space, allowing you to decide how you feel about him and what to do about it. To be fair, it does seem like it's coming from an angry and defensive place for him, but it doesn't change the fact that he's handing over the reigns to you.
|
I respect your opinion, theoretical and agree with what you thoughtfully wrote for the most part.
BUT...
We will agree to disagree about his sentence "it's fine if you don't like me."
I don't agree with you that he said it to validate my feelings, give me control and space, or allow me to decide how I feel about him.
He doesn't get to dictate to me how I feel or how I think about his actions. He doesn't get to "allow" me to decide how I feel about him. That seems like a very passive aggressive statement in itself.
I really don't see the connection between his passive aggressive statement and how that validates my feelings. That's nonsense, to be blunt.
Here's an example of a validating statement, "How can I help you get through this right now?"
"It's fine if you don't like me," is not a validating statement. It's a very passive aggressive statement, said as a last resort by him to attempt to provoke an angry, emotional response from me, to validate his narcissistic ego. "See, I made Blanche mad. I'm awesome."
A 50 year old man who can't be bothered to text a woman HE initiated a coffee date with, a communication text "Sorry I can't make our coffee date," is NOT a man who gives a **** about my feelings. He is definitely NOT validating my feelings, giving me space, control, or whatever.
I'm shocked and disappointed that you defend this scumbag the way that you do.