Thanks for asking this question, Ptak. It’s a relatable one that I have been associating with as well. I applaud your courage to be vulnerable to share your experiences, because we lack this ability to speak up about our individual stories.

The most pressing thing I’m hoping to share is prevent yourself from comparing yourself with others. It’s easier said than done, especially because sometimes the most social people speak the loudest, but we all have our own experiences, and it’s just a futile, self-perpetuating cycle to try to be someone else! Most people crave deeper friendships, but it is becoming the norm to try to keep as many friendships as possible, while neglecting your needs or what you want out of a friendship. Studies published from psychology share a different story, though, with many sources pointing to depending only on a max of 5 or so people to look up to as friends. In a similar manner, the studies also share that we are most affected by the personalities of the same amount of people who we consider the closest, which all made sense to me when I’ve learned about relationships because we will only tire ourselves by being overly-social or please a crowd!

In a nutshell, it’s best to keep your walk in making friends baby steps, and if a large social network doesn’t work for you or if you aren’t able to meet others’ obligations due to sickness, major life events and such, then that’s ok. All of us are unique in our own ways! To piggyback off my previous point, you also don’t have to force friendships that are one-sided like what you what described; life is too short to have any sort of friends that deprive you of your time and resources.

Check out this article that illustrates my post even further!

How Many Friends Do You Need?