Where are these intense emotions coming from? My anger has reached unbelievable levels and I can't keep up the facade at work or elsewhere. Seeing my T has really been upsetting me. I guess it has to do with abandonment fears, but it's happening in my unconscious mind. After each session, I end up emailing him my horrible thoughts. It's like I'm out of control. I don't want to not go to sessions, but I'm terrified of him, afraid that he will say the slightest thing that triggers my anger.

I feel so bad for him, though. How does he withstand my @#$@? We keep getting in a power struggle and it is really disturbing. He tells me that I'm upset because he won't tell me what I want to hear, but I what I want to hear will rid me of my anxiety/anger. So, it's not as simple as me just wanting my way - there is a reason. Or maybe I am selfish and childish but just can't see it. I just want to stop feeling these intense emotions, is that so bad? I feel like a monster.

I told him that I feel like he is in his fortress and refuses to let down the drawbridge to let me in. And I said that he at least could stop shooting arrows at me. Ughhhh. When will this end? How long does it take to work through this? I feel physically and mentally drained and don't know if I'm going to make it.