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Jun 07, 2019, 02:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I am not sure she can diagnose you just going by personality test. She might find you have some traits and you yourself likely notice some traits but I’d see a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis. I’d not tell people you are a psychopath if you don’t know for sure
But I totally understand what you are saying. Some things are easy to reveal or there isn’t much to reveal or other people don’t care about your revelations. But some things are just impossible to reveal without people running away.
Now is your behavior revealing? If you never disclose, would people still know something is off by how you act? So do you want to improve your actions and behavior? Or you came to terms with it and just want to work on how to reveal it to people?
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I went to therapy for awhile, talked about my history, my behavior, my emotions, all that jazz. It wasn't just the test. Regardless, I'm definitely not going tell someone, "I'm a psychopath." 
In the majority of my day-to-day interactions, very few people would be able to tell. If anything, I come off as reserved, maybe a little aloof. It's when people get close, when I'm in a situation where I'm expected to react emotionally, that people really start to take notice. When they do get to know me more personally, they're always taken aback by some of the shockingly callous things that slip out of my mouth sometimes. But it usually takes about, like I said, a few years before they realize I'm not merely hiding my emotions, but rather that I don't have many emotions to hide.
I want to become a better person, more comfortable in myself, and more aware of both my strengths and limitations. And I don't think I can do that alone. I need to learn from and along with other people, but it's hard to do that when people only see the persona, the "mask" that I project.
This whole existential crisis came about because of two interactions:
1. A psychopath showed up at my writing club for one meeting, trying to pull some con, and I was utterly thrilled. We probably wouldn't have been friends, but at least I could've talked with this guy about all the things that normal people just don't understand. But he never came back, and I feel like I missed out on a rare opportunity to talk with someone who thinks about the same way I do.
2. One of my friends asked me out, saying that he really liked me. And it occurred to me that he has no idea who I really am. Any time a guy shows interest in me, I'm always a little perplexed, and I think that's because who they like doesn't really exist. It's just a persona.
I don't know if a deep and meaningful connection is even possible, but I'd at least like to be able to talk honestly with someone who gets me.
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