Quote:
Originally Posted by precaryous
“How can I think with how I attached a to him (as I did to these other male authoritarian figures in the past) that he is the one to blame?”
Oh no! I’m sorry your disease has worsened! I wish family would always be helpful and surround you as part of your broad base of support. Unfortunately, often times family and friends just don’t get it.
About your question-
You are not responsible for the way this doctor chooses to act or respond.
That is his responsibility.
Doctors go to med school and are educated in disease processes and social interactions. Usually they are educated in attachment and positive and negative transference. Clients/patients cannot be expected to know about these issues.
Doctors are educated in boundaries and ethics. The client/patient commonly is not.
Doctors take an oath to DO NO HARM. Client/patients do not.
It is the doctor’s responsibility to have *your* best interest at heart...and to keep you from harm to the best of their ability. Patients are not bound by any such responsibility toward their doctors.
You can enter the office and strip off all your clothes. It’s the doctor’s responsibility to direct you to redress, keep you safe, not exploit you!
Your doctor is choosing how he acts/reacts knowing everything he learned in med school and having taken an oath to do no harm!
His actions and breaking boundaries are not your fault. If he is narcissistic, that’s not your fault. If he has an addiction, his actions are *not* your fault. If he’s ill and acting inappropriately, it’s not your fault!
‘His attention felt great to me, so how can I blame him for that?’
Right?
No matter how good it feels, he is exploiting and harming you. In some cities he would be committing a crime against you!
Even if his exploitation feels good to you at the time, the harm he’s causing now and, possibly, into the future...is his fault, not yours!
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Sorry I have not responded as of yet, Precaryous. It has been going so poor, so poor. He had said his secretary would call me within one week after he saw me. Of course she never called. I had sent him one email as said, 2 days after the consultation with all the hugging and his kisses. Only to ask him to please not abandon me since I knew there was no other doctor with his capabilities that knew how to do this treatment well. I had said nothing about the kisses and hugs to not give him the feeling i blamed him or make him think I was a liability.
Almost 2,5 weeks after seeing him, since I never heard anything of his secretary, I sent him a second email. I apologized for my emailing, explaining that I was afraid of his abandonment because of all the ignoring. I wrote I hoped we could have a normal patient doctor relationship again. I wrote I had not heard from his secretary as he had promised. I did mention the hugging and kissing this time, but without blaming him I think. I just said that 2,5 weeks ago he held me in his arms the entire consult and kissed me 3 times and that I tried to, but did not understand his abandonment.
He did not reply
.
I am not sure what I always do wrong, but I feel so excrucatingly hurt.
I feel so much hurt I can not explain after all the hugging and kisses. I feel completely devastated. Today I thus wrote a very brief email giving my bank account number to transfer the reimbursement (I paid upfront and so there was still a reimbursement). I said nothing else in it at all, but that I wished him the best.
I feel so broken from pain that I want to die. I feel so broken I don't want this life anymore. I don't understand why he treats me like this. I feel so broken by the thought that I will never see him anymore. He is like a father to me. I feel so broken that he helps other patients and responds to them, but hugs me the entire consult and kisses me and ignores me always and abandons me.
It is my own fault this happens. He wouldn't ignore me always if it wasn't my own fault. He doesn't ignore others like this. I don't want this life anymore. I feel so much pain. I feel so broken that I needed his treatment so much, that I don't know what now, that there is no better doctor for this. I feel at loss on all fronts. How could I ruin this? How could I do that/ I needed his help so much.