Quote:
Originally Posted by golden_eve
I don't want to divulge too many details of what's happening in my marriage right now because I don't want to hear negative input that will influence me. I know people will most likely tell me to leave him IF I do relate all the details..
I need to work this out for myself, & suffice it to say, I've been questioning whether it will last.... and we JUST got married only a few weeks ago!
We've been having many problems, some of which I knew and saw, some of which I am only seeing now. The thought of having to end this sooner than later made me beyond depressed and suicidal feeling the other day.
I am posting this simply to have people respond with support around my conflicting emotions and confusion.
I do love him, but I have mounting concerns, some of which are financial.
We also have had some bad fights, just before the wedding, during the honeymoon and after the honeymoon.
He has anger problems and can be explosive. He will not admit to this, but he has a very bad temper.
He will NOT go to a counselor. He says that IF that comes up, then that means the relationship is over.
I know that what that is really about. He doesn't want a counselor telling him that he in is the wrong. He is very defensive and cannot be in the wrong. He DOES apologize when he hurts my feelings and CAN take some amount of ownership when I tell him so.
I don't know how I feel, I really don't. I DO love him and want it to work out, but then I see the mounting concerns and problems and I feel very pessimistic about it.
There's a LOT at stake if I leave him. A LOT. I would lose my whole social network that we both share, and a lot more than that. And I know I need to grapple with those issues...
This is a process. We just got married. I am not willing to pull the plug that quickly.
But I knew before the wedding that I had serious concerns..... and I went through with it anyways. I could not deal with a breakup right then and there. And I knew just before the ceremony while we were fighting that it was maybe a mistake.
What's worse is I am not talking to family about it. Only a couple of girlfriends. I am not letting many people into this situation, again because I don't want to be influenced.
There are good things too and he can be most loving and endearing a lot of the time, but the concerns are big and valid, especially when it comes to finances.
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I am deeply sadenned that you are going through all of this! It's great that you have witnessed a turnaround in your hub's behavior but it's always important to remember that you are unique and have your individual needs, thus continual assertion of your boundaries is necessary. You have a right to seek a marriage counselor without being controlled. This also extends to your closest friends and family members. You can speak up if you are screamed at or have seen too much temper. You have a right to end any relationship, from casual to romantic, that's not founded on security and love. Most importantly, you are a worthy, loveable, and thoughtful person with your own story, strenghts, and weaknesses! I hope you remember you have my support and everyone else's here; you are very much valued despite everything you're going through!