Move out of state because he wont take anger management classes or see a couples counselor—slow down guys!
All we know is that he is verbally abusive during arguments and there are financial issues. Since he knows he has a bad pattern with this, make a penalty jar and hopefully he would agree to put $100 in the jar if he slips up. Maybe he would agree to see a counselor once there is x amount of money in the jar.
DO NOT CO MINGLE YOUR MONEY. I DONT DO THAT, MY MOM DIDNT DO THAT.
If he wont get help in terms of counselors, he can at least get workbooks on anger management, conflict resolution, etc. Workbooks are great because they break things down into steps and techniques a lot more than regular books. Amazon, easy to order and return.
Do you each have some alone time and some separate activities so you have some personal space in your lives? Sounds like you are feeling trapped by formalizing things.