This is just the way that I write. I'm aware that I write and speak with emotion-laden words at times without fully understanding them, but I often do it without thinking. Maybe that's something I need to be more mindful of.

My overarching goal is to find out more about myself, and then to strive to become a better person with that knowledge. I joined PC because I had stumbled on some old posts written by psychopaths and found them to be quite insightful. Even though the original authors haven't been on in ages, I thought that maybe a few were still around or another likeminded individual would come along and be willing to chat. Failing that, it's nice that I can talk about these issues a little more openly, even if no one understands what the hell I'm talking about.

I don't doubt that there are people who would be fine with me being a psychopath. A part of me wishes I could live fully in the open and let others decide whether they want to befriend me or not.

Also, be careful about letting a single test or a few people define you. Everyone is much more complex than that. I would like to think we all have the ability to adapt and grow.

I definitely will not allow a diagnosis to define me, and I most certainly won't allow those unimaginative so-called experts of the human condition tell me what I can or cannot do (and yes, it has occurred to me that this is a very antisocial reaction to have ). That's part of the reason why I sought out the opinions of psychopaths rather than non-psychopaths. Most of the stuff written on psychopaths seems like melodramatic rants about how they're cold, calculating lizard people bent on destroying everything they come into contact with. A lot of the information contradicts itself, too, which makes it even more difficult to process all of it.

Perhaps you need to find a friend who has the ability to accept you.

Yeah, finding acceptance has been a bit of a challenge, which is why I'm trying to be more open. I have a lot of friends - not close friends, because I don't allow people to get close - but they're not accepting of "me," because they don't know "me," so their acceptance feels hollow.

Can you sense other's emotions? If not, they say that learning to read body language can be helpful. I operate very intuitively sometimes and can't imagine how I would navigate the would without my intuitive sensability.

I can't "sense" others' emotions, but I can read them very easily. I mirror people like nobody's business. I've never known any different. In fact, when I was a kid, I used to think everyone was basically acting, because that's all I was doing. I couldn't figure out how everyone was able to act so easily and all the time, especially during highly emotional situations. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that other people weren't merely acting.

You probably first need to learn acceptance and learn how to find ways to use this as a strength. Sometimes being emotional clouds my judgement resulting in a state of panic or paralysis. I am guessing you are free of panic attacks and anxiety.

That's the goal. And no, I've never had a panic attack. I do get a bit of anxiety sometimes, but it's rare and rather weak.

I've been very into Jungian psychology lately, so I'm trying to understand and make peace with the "shadow self" so that I can become a more whole person.

Now, most of the time, I'm a happy and well-adjusted psychopath who can handle most of life's challenges with relative ease. But, when push comes to shove, I have a tendency to say or do things which are so callous that it's shocking to onlookers. As one of my therapists put it, my personality can turn on a dime. I want to know what triggers that and work to control it.

I've also got the duping delight thing real bad, and sometimes it physically pains me to not mess with people. It's not malicious, just lighthearted mischievousness (usually), but I think I take it too far sometimes.