My current T has been through A LOT with me over the last 2 and a half years. She has given me great support through a bereavement and a family crisis as well as shedding light on my family of origin. Here’s the thing - I am moving between cities every few months and there is no way to get to her from the other city. At first she did not want to give therapy by Skype or call but after one or two crises there she agreed to do it by audio call. That’s when things seemed to break down a bit - I found her dismissive about one of my concerns and slightly patronising over another. I discussed this with her and she said when I was away she became more directive and that she would be more aware of this in the future. 


Recently in actual session in her rooms I brought up my persistent difficulty of being blocked since the bereavement - not being able to write anymore. She suggested that this might be because I ruminate so much over certain issues, and scrutinise others, and that might be what is ‘blocking’ me.

I wasn’t too sure about that and having nothing more to say on the topic I began talking about something that had upset me recently - a friend who let me down in a particular situation. . She began talking about this and after some time I just lost interest in it - I felt we were belabouring the subject. Anxious over dwindling time I must have checked my watch even more than I usually do. So, she asked me if there was something I still wanted to discuss because I was checking the time. I replied that I didn’t think what we were discussing was so significant and that maybe what we had been discussing before WAS more important.

#Her response was something like this: ‘Well you see - you brought this up so I HAD to address it - and now you are sitting here and clock-watching, and 5 minutes before the session ends you say something else is more important.’ I was taken aback and said I didn’t think I had the skill to pre-arrange all of that. She assured me that she didn’t think I HAD done that in any way. This just left me a bit confused.

I felt chastised but perhaps I was confused about what and so I said that she seemed to have she had confirmed her original hypothesis - that I mull over negative things about others to avoid doing more important things. I pointed out that that wasn’t a very appealing portrait of me. She replied that she did not find it unappealing or bad, or disapprove and hugged me goodbye to show that (this is something we have established is ok. However, I still left feeling tense and confused.


I was too ill to attend the next session so we agreed to do it by phone. I was conscientous about NOT being ‘avoidant’ so I quickly brought up the fact that I thought she had been disapproving in the last session. Again she insisted that I was projecting that due to critical parent figures. I mentioned that the word ‘clock watching’ is very negative. Her response was to say that I was interpreting it as negative. I then said I had asked a few friends and before I could even finish she spoke over me and said ’well that is the problem because they weren’t there and don’t know the context.’ I was finding the tone of all this unpleasant so I changed the subject to other issues - like how I am dealing with being sick - but afterwards I just felt certain that I needed to change therapist. 


I'm confused at this kind of 'bickering'. I'm not sure if it is the psychodynamic paradigm which just annoys me or if she was being reactive or what. After the session I felt pretty sure I needed to terminate. What do you think?