Thanks, everyone, for the kind words. I am having a harder time after the second infusion (probably why they have to leave a week between, not to overwhelm the body). No horrible mood swings today, one not great one but shorter-lived. I slept over 13 hours last night. I have noticed these infusions exhaust me shortly afterwards. I didn't do much today though I was able to read quite a bit without 2 or 3 other thoughts constantly racing through my mind all the time as I read the words and go through some old files and trash what I no longer need.

Hopefully, I won't always have to be on iron infusions, maybe I can take a supplement to avoid iron deficiency in advance, maybe it's a one-time thing. The hematologist has me scheduled for bloodwork in 4 weeks. In the meantime, I don't have any infusions or take any iron supplements. He wants to see how my body reacts to the infusions and if it builds enough iron stores or if they don't last (which probably would mean my body does not absorb iron well from food sources any more and has to rely on the stores and cannot rebuild them). I am not sure if this can be corrected by diet or if I will have to rely on iron supplements and/or infusions every 3 or 4 months. It seems my body does make more red blood cells with iron supplementation from the last blood work, but they were still struggling to carry enough oxygen (low hemoglobin still). I truly hope it will not mean more tests like a bone marrow biopsy though my PCP mentioned it might. I think it is a case of the most likely cause being gastric issues resulting from ulcer surgery/post ulcer stomach medication but wanting to be sure all the bases are covered. I may also have to see an endocrinologist for additional blood work. After that, I will have seen most of the doctors in the book (or at least it feels like it). I really am ready to stop having to see so many doctors.

The good news, I suppose, is that I haven't had to call the pdoc because of being in bad shape or having too many panic attacks or not sleeping for quite some time, and he has now stretched out my visits to every 6-8 weeks instead of every 2 weeks, maybe 3. I don't know that I have gone a stretch this long without making emergency calls to the pdoc since I've started seeing this pdoc in March 2018 when my old pdoc retired. My lows lately have been bad, but at least not long lasting or so bad I'd harm myself. Instead, once I finish crying (if I don't fall asleep), I usually jot down one or several sad/angry/desperate poems, which I suppose isn't the worst coping mechanism out there.