Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna
I think thats why, in complex ptsd, which yes i understand is still under debate, the definition is that persistent, continuing verbal abuse DOES commit harm. So this article is making the distinction that a person might bounce back from an occasion of hurt feelings without NECESSARILY having been harmed. A one-off vs a lifetime being the two ends of the spectrum.
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True. And once we are into abuse territory, harm is inevitable.
There are also occasions when we may feel hurt and need to really assess whether that's reasonable. For example, one day I told a friend: "I love your outfit. It looks French!" She looked offended and replied: "I don't know what you mean by that." I said "Oh sorry. I mean it looks very chic and lovely. France is one of the fashion capitals of the world. They dress very well." She replied: "Well EXCUSE me for not knowing the fashion capitals of the world!" She clearly felt hurt and angry but there I was thinking I was giving her a compliment on her beautiful outfit.
She was not abused in that situation.
Nor was she harmed.
She did indeed feel hurt. That was apparent. But was it my fault that she felt hurt? Even after I explained, she was still angry with me.
Was I responsible for her feeling hurt or did she need to address her own self-esteem and lack of trust in others? She immediately assumed that I was up to no good even though I always treated her well. She must have had some sort of core belief about herself that was negative. But that was not my fault. Just as it is not the fault of others if I feel hurt by an innocent comment they make....I am responsible for my own feelings.
And if someone makes a rude or offensive comment to me, I need to be an adult and deal with it and move on.