Quote:
Originally Posted by Becleyhicks
My ex claimed we never dated ,I was a one night stand(slept together the first night we met which is true),looked into his windows and came over four times after. Initially made love and pushing myself off on him while real gf is in bedroom.he messaged me twice come spend the night I didn't message back in time but deleted messages I could have had as proove,and told my cousin after fourth time I came over for me to leave him alone been coming over too much etc. Does me being celibate and Christian since this happened help me look truthful (which I am) . My family repeats back that I was looking into window and harassing him ,slept with him one time.how do I prove to family I'm telling the truth?how do I get a sense of if my family is telling my version or his version?if I was looking into his windows or hanging around his house family should know should have pictures and why claim gf is in bedroom while came over four times cus all but one time had sex.how do I show I'm telling the truth . Three years later and it's still tearing me up inside.my grandmother did say I'm not wild for sleeping with him and knows I almost got pregnant and he didn't use a condom. (He pulled out but thought still may be pregannat no pieord 3 months). Shouldn't he have used no condom use and my lack of birth control as reason for one night stand. Him and the other girl in question is friends with cousin reason grandmother everyone repeats their lies to my face but I believe they starting to believe me but goud me to see if telling the truth.
|
Thanks for sharing your truth Becleyhicks. May I ask how old you are? Are you older or younger than age 18?
Few more questions....you don't have to answer if you don't want to....maybe just things for you to think about in your own time.
Why are you discussing your sexual encounters with your grandmother? When you tell her about your sexual encounters, what is it that you are seeking from her?
Do you live with your grandmother or other family members? Do you live in a small community where everyone knows each other?
Do you know about STDs and the other risks associated with sex without a barrier? Other risks, particularly related to sex without commitment, could pertain to your emotional well-being and your physical safety. Sex always involves some level of risk because we are vulnerable when we share our body with someone. The risks are higher when we don't know the person well and they are not a committed partner. Then more risks are added if there is no barrier like a condom. I'm not trying to preach to you...just things you may want to think about for the future in order to feel safe and well.
Your title question is "does this make me look bad?" To me, no, you do not look bad. You're a person of value and you deserve safe unconditional love, peace, and joy. If other people think you "look bad" then that is a reflection of them and not of you. Your value is not dependent on how others perceive you, your value is there regardless.
It's been three years since these events and you sound quite distraught about them. So for future times, when you are making a decision (a sexual one or otherwise) you may want to first ask yourself: am I okay with the decision I'm about to make....will I feel okay about this tomorrow or next week or next year?
Have you ever read about boundaries? There's a lot of info on the internet if you are interested. I think learning how to protect your boundaries could be really valuable to you. Boundaries can help with all sorts of aspects of life......sexual boundaries, physical boundaries, sharing information etc
I have a hunch, though I don't know him, that the man you had the prior sexual encounters with is not a respectful and safe person to be sharing your body. An honest and respectful man would keep sexual encounters private....he would not be running around telling others about it. Though if he is doing that, it doesn't mean you look bad, it means he is not a safe person to be close to. And if you were under the age of 18 when you had sex and he was 18 or older, that is a crime where you live. Something to think about.
It's been 3 years. For your health and well-being, it is a good time for you to try to let go of these events and move on with your life. If that seems impossible or very hard to do, you can speak with a therapist. Talk the whole thing through and get some coping strategies. If you feel that you can't move on because others keep talking about it, family or community, perhaps you need to move away to somewhere new and have a fresh start. There is no way to prove to others that you are telling the truth. Respectful people either believe your truth as is or disrespectful people don't and then you want to avoid them.
I hope you will be able to move forward and let go of this part of your past. When I was feeling badly about something, I had a therapist who said: "It's okay, you didn't kill anyone!" You didn't kill anyone either Becleyhicks! You deserve a bright future. Just be careful and protect yourself. Surround yourself with decent and safe people. Best wishes to you
