@MuseumGhost - thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you had to go through that, too. It's awful. After all, life seems pretty pointless when you can't enjoy it.

Part of my deal was living with someone who drained all the energy out of me. He was not a good partner for me. Actually, the past week I've been having bad dreams where he's constantly trying to get my attention, forcefully take me on dates, nothing atrocious but mostly just really annoying. It makes me feel like "ugh," but I have been moving on.

I've had the fortune of both meeting new people in the past month and surrounding myself with close friends that have helped me out of this depressive funk. Two friends of mine created a mental health group chat where we can vent our feelings at any time. Same thing with a group of work folks. I also started hanging out with people again, going on 5ks, movie nights, and hikes with friends in the area.

I've also been lucky enough to meet a guy who's enthusiasm for life has restored my own depleted source. Right now we're just friends, but he has opened my eyes to how beautiful life is. And part of that is his love for music. We love a lot of the same bands. We can make inside jokes and references to music and lyrics. Instead of passively listening to music, I pay attention to the lyrics. I used to never sing around people, but nowadays I find myself singing quietly along to music at work. Or walking in the park. And of course, in the car with the music on loud!

Another contributing factor to my newly restored love for music is that my favorite band in the whole wide world, Vampire Weekend, released an incredibly produced album in May. It's creative, summery, catchy, and its lyrics relate to some of the emotions I've been experiencing: being dissatisfied with life, falling in and out of love, frustration with current politics. It's called Father of the Bride and I highly recommend it. I think a recent lsd trip and listening to this album have opened my eyes to what music can be.

See, I was always miserable before. I couldn't enjoy music. But something about staring at a ceiling and taking in every little detail of a song, from background vocals to subtle changes in drumming... I was reminded of how beautiful music is. And not only that, but how beautiful LIFE is. And even beyond that, reminded that I do not deserve to be miserable.

Life is full of amazing experiences, including listening to music, and it's not fair to me to deprive myself of enjoying those experiences.

It took me a long time to realize that. It took me a long time to end a relationship I should have ended much earlier. But in a way, going through hell taught me how bad things *can* be, and how to avoid going down that hellish rabbit hole. Because no one deserves to not enjoy this amazing, beautiful life.