I think you have just pointed out an important factor in why I prefer males for pretty much anything, if I have the choice Of course there are also bold exceptions within any gender, if we associate it with gender. My first male T, for example (very insecure, defensive, passive aggressive...). I have definitely found more individuals that fit my description (desire) for collaboration among men. But also personal relationships. I have always related better with males, in part because my own style tends to be akin to them. I am not sure about "violence", I have never experienced anything I would describe as "relational violence" except some peer bullying when I was a young kid (and that involved both boys and girls). But have seen plenty of indirect, passive aggressive emotional manipulation and definitely more in women. In general, I think men (as a group) tend to use more direct aggression and dominance signaling when it comes to that and I handle that much better than complicated, subtle ways. I have also encountered females who fit my earlier description but really not very many, even in a professional field that is super competitive and packed with ambitious individuals. So yeah, definitely what you have pointed out is part of why I have this preference. Not only leadership/authority, I think the same features frequently manifest in perfectly equal constructs as well.

Speaking of gender... that first T's passive-aggressive, defensive, often overly sentimental style kinda reminded me of my mom and why I never had a strong relation with my mom (we were just so different). Of course the T described it as negative transference and I think it was, in part. The interesting part was that he related it to my father, who had absolutely no resemblance to that T and the relationship, much more that description above, of people I usually get along with well. We can definitely call some of that conflict negative maternal transference though. But I had already known my feelings and incompatibility with that style, there wasn't really anything much to discover. I think I have learned how to live with that kind of person when it is necessary (e.g. I must to deal in work) but I don't and will never choose people like that for anything that is important for me. Also, I place myself somewhere on the queer spectrum when it comes to gender so I don't identify with stereotypes of my biological sex. If you have anything like that, it might also contribute to why you run into conflicts with women more than with men. There is also that women are often more attuned and pay attention to relational dynamics - I am interested but have definitive limits in how much I am willing to engage that way. Also meaning that I had no interest to use therapy in that way much - I had quite practical issues to work on, not relational. It is very interesting for me because it happens even when it is not my choice/preference, even with strangers. It can be quite interesting to analyze why this is the case, certainly quite complex for me.