omg pink.. you been chatting with scuff behind my back?

what pink said is the essence of a few conversations T and i have had recently... and what he said, which caused mass confusion in me if you were reading, was that he wanted to stop just instantly giving me what i needed right in that moment.. in favour of what i needed long term. He said giving me what i wanted would make me feel better, or like you said, make the anxiety/etc go away... but it comes back, over and over... and sometimes it worsens the next time and i want more from him. i am horrified that this is the case because i believed so strongly that just getting something at all would help.. but it was like smelling food when you're hungry.. i became painfully aware of needing food more than anything.

its a horrible feeling

i am so sorry soli... this is painful... i wish i could take it all away.