[QUOTE=Xynesthesia2;6551632]I I am not sure about "violence", I have never experienced anything I would describe as "relational violence" except some peer bullying when I was a young kid (and that involved both boys and girls). But have seen plenty of indirect, passive aggressive emotional manipulation and definitely more in women. In general, I think men (as a group) tend to use more direct aggression and dominance signaling when it comes to that and I handle that much better than complicated, subtle ways.'

I think I meant more or less the same thing. School boys are more likely to gain dominance over other boys with straight physical aggression whereas girls from an early age engage in verbal/psychological/social violence. There is a more relational quality to this kind of injury.

'women are often more attuned and pay attention to relational dynamics - I am interested but have definitive limits in how much I am willing to engage that way. Also meaning that I had no interest to use therapy in that way much - I had quite practical issues to work on, not relational.'

For me, relational difficulties had lead to a complete breakdown and continue to be so difficult that my life is extremely restricted. I had some success with my long term CBT T who worked on just discussing the various situations I found threatening. We could work on my interpretation of these. This allowed me a bit more flexibility though the level of fear did not go down that much. I don't think I 'like' working in a relational way if this means negotiating what feels like power struggles...

(ETA) My mother was and continues to be emotionally abusive which made me unsure about having a female T. There was always some likelihood of transference over there.