@Brentus I just want you to know that you're being way too hard on yourself. Everyone is here to share and offer support where they can. I honestly feel the only one judging you is yourself. I respect that it's hard to open up but you've not said anything to feel embarrassed about and I don't pity you, just hope for things to turn around for you. Hang in there man, we're all here for you when you're ready.